Patience: A stepmum’s journey

Apr 13, 2021 | BLENDED FAMILY

Patience, where to start right. I am sitting here thinking I must be one of the most patient people in my life haha. Honestly, I hear it from friends, family and strangers. I am going to be talking about my different types of patience and how I deal with everything in my life in this post. 

To be quite honest I have been sitting on this for a minute and it is because I am not the most patient person, but life has thrown me a few curve balls and I have managed to learn how to be patient.  I have however, come to realise that there are different types of patience.

Patience with myself

The first thing I had to learn was being patient with myself. I have such a hectic lifestye, being a full time mum and working full time and yet I expect myself to have a lot of things done yesterday. I over work myself and a few people who know me and are reading this will be nodding their heads. I have started to take a step back and remind mysef that Rome wasnt built overnight.

Learning to give myself credit for the small things in life. The small accomplishments. Things like I managed to get all the kids to school on time and they were all neatly dressed with their backpacks and nobody forgot theirs, and I didnt have to turn around to go get it.

Patience with oneself requires perseverance and persistance. Like I said before Rome wasn’t built overnight. By doing so I find that I tend to achieve some of my goals.  Be patient with yourself. It’s not easy but when you start with yourself then you can learn to be patient with everyone and everything around you.


Patience with the world/universe/others around you

I find this to be the most difficult. Dealing with people is really difficult.  Believe me I work in the world of dealing with people on a day to day basis.

So sometimes how do I cope? With a glass of peach bellini hahaha.

The other day it hit me. I have different types of patience. I took a trip with my mum who has a few ailments. Traveling with her and having to hike and all made me realise I had a different level of patience for her, just like I had different type of patience for my brothers, my kids that includes my step kids and my partner and also everyone else around me.

Doesn’t this leave you thinking? I know right! I mean think about it. How often do you lose it differently with everyone in your life. They could do the same thing to piss you off or annoy you (to be polite) and the way you react to your parents, your kids, your friends or your better half is different. I find that as a challenge even with my kids. Lets be honest step parents, patience is something that can be difficult. When the step kids throw the, “You are not my mum!” card at you. Or nomatter how much you try to be there 24/7 for them they are still rude, disrespectful and ungrateful to you.  And when they need something the first person they come to is you. And still you continue to love them and be patient. Telling yourself, “this too shall pass.” As hard as it may be, as trialling as it may be, patience with one another plays a major role in any relationship, as each to their own and we can’t all be equally the same so we learn to be patient with the next person. I find I am still on this journey of patience with the universe or the world around me. 

Instead of being judgemental I try to turn that energy into understanding and compassion. Instead of being frustrated and bitter I am choosing to take a deep breath and walk away or explain the concept to the person. 

Learning to listen to the next person, their needs or just be there is practising patience. Often we are selfish and only want to hear our own voices and often forget our partners have a voice, our kids have a voice.

Small things like, the kids are still not ready after yelling for the umpteenth time and all the neighbours know them by names 😂 by now and when they walk out shirt is back to front, shoes on the wrong feet. So, I take a deep breath and tell myself, “just another day in paradise.” Don’t get me wrong, often I lose it and lately I am learning to pick my battles, learning to be patient and by so doing I am giving myself a pat on the back as it can be difficult. I am far from perfect so why should I expect perfection from the kids, or those around me? I find the moment you start thinking that way, it helps put things in perspective.

So…… What is patience?

Patience is…..

  • Calm.
  • Persevering.
  • Tolerant.
  • Understanding.
  • Compassionate.
  • Mindful.
  • Hopeful.