Living with and surviving Domestic Violence Pt 2
This last weekend I was away. I went to the place I lived when I experienced DV with my ex. It has taken me years to be able to drive around town and not have an anxiety attack when I see a car like his. To be able to drive down the street I lived and not feel nauseous at the sight and thought of what used to be my home.
Is it a way to live my life though? No, but I still do have those feelings and emotions. About a month ago it all came back all because of a bank transfer. What people do not realise is any form of contact from your abuser can awaken everything you thought you had put to rest. I have had sleepless nights, kids feed off our energy and I was starting to see my kids anxious and nervous. The feeling they had when we were around him.
So I have started once again to work on my healing, for my kids.
One of the ways I used to escape my life was by going to the local markets with the kids. I would go and practically spend all morning there watching the kids play on the jumping castles and we would have breakfast there. I would take my time strolling down the aisles of the stalls looking for fruit and veg. I established relationships with most of the people at these stalls.
I went there this past Saturday and it was such a bitter sweet moment. At first I thought I wouldn’t find them then I did. We stood there hugging and these men and women just held me. The first thing they all said was ,”You look good and happy.”
I broke down when one of them mentioned to me that they knew I was in a bad situation, they knew me coming there was for some peace. They never forgot my name. After 4yrs they never forgot the pain in my eyes and the fear.
As a victim of DV you can tell other ‘fellow’ victims, but what I didn’t realise was that other people can see it too.
It made me realise that I could have told someone my story then. Someone may have been able to help me. Who knows.
I am just grateful I managed to get out and save myself and my kids. Not many people manage to. Most do but they get back. I refuse to go back and continue to be a victim. I choose to be victorious as no man or woman shall have power over my happiness and that of my childre.